No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
