you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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