I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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