great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
