So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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