my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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