would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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