whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
