We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
