He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
