I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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