I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
