I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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