You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
