why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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