He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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