Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
