During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
