I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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