There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
