$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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