also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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