Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
