I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
