gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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