I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
