i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i barfeds in our rink
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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