No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
