You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
God, you're like boner-b-gone
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did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
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I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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