That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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