It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
