I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
