Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
