u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
