I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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