I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
