she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
