Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
