I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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