I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
