im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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