..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
