so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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