Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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