if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
