operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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