When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
