The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize