I didn't shave. On purpose
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
