She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
