the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
