Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
