it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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