so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
