I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
