we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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