I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
