There was a lot of him and a little penis
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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