Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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