Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
