And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Are we still banned from the library?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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