yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
