sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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