She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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