I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
