wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
