Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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