I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
