Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
