i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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