My liver just broke up with me...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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