ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
