k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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