I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
