WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
