Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
