Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
